Almost!

Step by step. Moving fast. Very fast.
The fact that she don't like missing the train make her rush.
Though there is nothing to run for.
No important place to go.
Nobody waiting for her return.
Run run run for the train.
Looking at this girl might irritate you.
How she rush anywhere she go.
With her Mickey Mouse leather bag.
Long cloth covering her.
What a mess.
She don't know how to dress up, you might say.
Or maybe the fact that she don't want to stand out.
Don't wanna be seen by anyone, stay low?
She wanna be a pale lover. Maybe?

She ran too much that she got easily tired when she stop.
You might see her sleeping or trying hard not to sleep.
Her eyes almost closed but they opened right back.
She can't sleep. Not that she can't but she don't wanna sleep.
Afraid of falling into a deep pond of sleep.
Afraid of missing her station.
Knowing that she is sleepy, she turn the volume high.
'Wake up my heart. Don't fall asleep.
This is a race. Life is a race.'
She thought that she is just being so hard to herself.
'Or maybe life is more then a race.
Life is love. I'm here for His love.
I'll return to meet my love. After all we live twice.
We can still have fun in Paradise where we'll live forever.'

The train stopped.
She was there already where she should be.
Now she walk fast but not running.
Just a slow run.
She tapped her card and walk.
The sun was up. No cloud as companion.
It stood there shining high alone.
The weather was extreme.
Under that cloth, she was sweating.
It was flooding in there but no one knew.
No one knew except for her Lover.
Her Lover that knows everything though she never met Him.
But, she could feel Him.
Everyday, every hour, every second even in her every breath.

She took the path in the car park.
It was dark but she don't care embracing the dark rather than being under the dry air.
She hate sunny day.
How she love rainy days so much.
Having all her cloth wet for the cold rain.

Indeed it was dark.
She walk passing few cars.
Then, she heard the van.
The white van.
Suddenly, scare harm her.
Scare like she never felt before.

Somehow, the van remind her of the van that kidnapper used to kidnap.
She ran.
The sound was getting higher.
The van was growling louder.
It was getting nearer.
It scare me more.
I run across the cars.
The van was still there.
'Is it following me?
I don't wanna die.
I still have a lot sins to seek for forgiveness.
Much more repentant to do.
Oh my God, will be in the newspaper tomorrow in the list of lost teenagers?'
She ran fast that she didn't notice the exit.
She leaned against the wall.
Looking down at her shoe.
She was about to cry.
She held her fist high.
Ready to fight.
'I'll get through this. I can do this.
I'll fight till the end.'
Her gaze was still low.
When the growl was close, she held his gaze.
But all she saw was the van moving away.
'Oo, it was not after me.'
She laughed.
They are not after me!'
'How could I be that foolish? Why would they want me?'
She smiled all the way.

She walk out of the car park.
The hot sun killed her.
She walk slowly.
Slowly back home.
Still have 200 meters to walk.
She switched off the walkman which is a miracle.
She never switch it off when walking.
That day was different.
She just felt like she have to.
For no reason, she have to.
Her house was quite an empty place.
No one was there.
Only the unpleasant construction's noise accompanying her.

Taking a step crossing the road, she sighed.
Another tiring day.
She took another step not noticing the lorry coming from the construction area.
The lorry's growl wake her up from her dream.
She look around and saw the lorry coming. It was fast.
She move back.
The lorry moved passed her.
Her eyes were wide.
She was shocked.
'I almost get hit by the lorry.
I almost die. Almost.
I would not see that lorry coming if I can't hear the growl. And if I was using that walkman, I would be dead by now.
Oo, now I understand why He asked me to switch if off.'
Looking up to the sky, she smiled.
'THANK YOU'
Thank you for everything.
Not only for today.
For everything.

For this life that I not notice.
For your gifts that I closed my eyes to see..
For your religion that I turned away from it.
Praise be to You.
My love.

~a past to share~

Sahabat! Aku cinta kalian.

Dahulu, aku benci berkawan.
Inikan pula bersahabat.
Apa ertinya berkawan?
Bertemu? Lalu apa?
Berpisah?
Bertemu dan berpisah aja?

Kerna itu, aku benci berkawan.
Apa bedanya kawan atau sendiri?
Aku tak butuh kawan.
Kerna aku hanya butuh Allah.
Hanya Allah.

Aku tidah pernah mahu ada yang dekat.
Kerna yang dekat itu akan pasti aku sayang.
Akan pasti aku cinta.
Risau nanti akan ada butir- butir cinta yang mengalir.
Tidak mahu air mata melimpah setelah tertawanya aku.
Benci aku perpisahan itu.
Walau betapa aku coba.
Perpisahan harus terjadi.
Pasti.
Aku akan mati.
Begitu juga dia.
Lalu, kerna apa kita bersahabat?
Bila persahabatan itu tidak lama.
Tali yang diikat rapi.
Diperkuat dengan cinta.
Akhirnya putus jua.
Pasti putus.

Cintailah insan yang mencintai Allah.

Lalu kerna apa bersahabat?
Aku benci.
Kerna hanya air mata yang akan menemani dikala duka.
Aku tak butuh kalian.

Aku tidak butuh kalian hanya dahulu,
Kerna saat itu,aku tidak mengerti.
Aku lagi bego tentang dunia.
Yang ku tahu, ikatan ini pasti akan mati.
Faktanya, tidak.

Cinta ini.
Kasih ini.
Sayang ini akan ku bawa sampai mati.
Sampai aku hidup semula.
Hidup ku bukan sekali.
Aku akan hidup lagi.
Matiku hanya seketika.
Nanti, bila aku dibangkitkan.
Cinta ini akan pasti ku kenang.
Cinta ini akan ku bawa sampai syurga.

Biar kita melebarkan sayap menuju cita dan cinta.
Nanti di syurga kita ketemu lagi.
Dalam naungan kasih sayang Ilahi.
Cinta ini tiada ungkapan.
Lafaz cinta tidak mungkin bisa menggambar besarnya cinta ku buat mu
Namun aku masih mahu kata..
AKU CINTA KALIAN KERANA ALLAH
SAMPAI NANTI KETEMU DISYURGA>>!

| wake up! | I don't just love them, I love you too. |

I once said I'm free from K-pop.
I'm free from Jahiliyyah.
I'm not addicted anymore to the korean dramas but this week.

It maybe hard to say NO but let's try together!

I get myself back to the jahiliyyah life.
I bring myself to that.
Nobody did. Nobody ask. Nobody force.
It was me who bring myself.
I knew it was wrong, but I did.
When I was watching I knew.
I knew that I was the one who is pulling myself there.
I was bringing myself nearer to negligent.
Near to hell.
Cause the moment I start I knew it will be hard to stop.
But still for the pleasure that will never last I did..
My heart was so hard like a stone that I want to obey myself but not Allah.
I was Stupid..

Just when the drama started to the climax, I stop.
I tried. Cause when I watch, there is no pleasure for it.
He is calling me. He says stop. Stop my love.
You will never find pleasure in them.

He did just as every time I'm bringing myself far.
Just as when I rush to the phone after prayer, the wifi will never work.
Then I realise, He loves me. He wants me to have time to remember Him.
Ooo Allah, how much You love me that I seem to not see.
How I pretended to be that blind though my eyes is seeing.

How ungrateful I am to bring myself far,
when He is trying to bring me near.
When He is trying to make a place for me in Jannah.
When He is trying to make me see His beauty.
His beauty that I was longing for.
Die for.
And now that I try to forget that, He pull me nearer.
Nearer to Him.
Though I'm running away from Him.

Can't I still not see what He is showing?
Why am I acting to be this blind when my family is dying.
When they are struggling to live.
But here, nothing I can do.

Our spirit will never die!

So, should I still be blind and continue watching my Korea Drama?

Ya, my family is dying.
My family in Syria, Palestine, in Thailand.
They are all dying.
They were killed, murdered, slaughtered.
My sisters are raped, they are humiliated.
My children are killed when they are still small..
When I'm still here to watch them die.

Are they calling themselves Muslim when they are killing their own family?
Are you still a muslim, Basyar?
Even a women is promised hell fire for killing a cat.
What about those who chopped head?
Head of human.
How do you call yourselves humans when you are killing your own kind?

They are too small to be killed.

How can I call myself a human when I let them killed.
Yet, here I'm watching korfean drama?
How can I call them families?
How am I to call myself part of the family?
I let them die when I did nothing to protect them.

My family were forced to prostrate a killer.
They forced us to prostrate to a photo of Basyar.
A killer of our family.
They are shameless to call themselves a muslim.

I'm lost. I cry. I could do nothing to help them.
What change can I make when I can't change myself?
What change can we make when we are too busy watching k-pop?
Can we help?
Thought nothing I can do but at least we can pray for them

Before it was Palestine. They are still killed till now.
But there was nothing I did.
Now , it's Syria.
Still, I  did nothing.
Just waiting for others to make a move first when they are also waiting for me to make the first move.
How fool am I?

Hey syabab(teen)! Wake up.
Yes, sure we can say
"We are still young and there is still many beautiful things to see.
Many beautiful things to touch.
Till a time come we will make that change."
But are there still time for us?
Are we sure that we will for another day?
Are we sure we will wake up alive tomorrow?
Are we so sure?

We wait to get old to realise.
But, we never realise that by the time we are old, there are nothing left.
Nothing left for us to work for.
Why are we being so greed to enjoy every thing to our own?
What about our children?
Will we want them to live is a life of a war?
A life where PEACE is never known.
Never exist?
Never spoken?

Come on, I'm begging you.
Let's do it together.
To you, they may not be your family.
But for me, they are.
Can't you help me just this once?
They need me. They need us.
All of us.
I can't do it on my own.
It will never work.
Can you just do it for the sake of my family?
I need your help.
Cause only together we can make this change.

I love them and would like to visit their palace in heaven.
Thought it will be nice if you are there with us..
Cause I don't just love them, I love all of you too..

Speaking for my family in Palestine, Syria, and South Thailand.
~dahuq95~